Mind Boggling
The Sequel
By Njeri Mucheru-Oyatta
Chapter 46
Happiness is something that happens to most of us. We don’t know what to do or how to find it. We just find ourselves feeling high one moment and low in another moment and we accept that as normal.
It is not normal. We can be happy all the time if we want to be. Learning how to experience unconditional love for me is the way to be happy always.
Happiness finds you in the moments when you just let go and let God.
The time to be happy is now, and the place to be happy is here, and the way to be happy is to make someone happy and to have a little heaven down here. Hallelujah!! Sing it with me!
Mind Boggling
The Sequel
By Njeri Mucheru-Oyatta
Chapter 45
I know that many people will not understand what all this am writing about is. I wasn’t too sure either until the other day during a heated debate at a friend’s house, I heard my husband define what success in life is.
That friend who is really the most jovial person you will ever come across and whose family is a lot like him and whose house is the best to be at when you want to debate about nothing and end up laughing until you want to die, asked the question to each of us at the gathering: “What is success?”
The point of the question was to determine what direction, as parents, we should be taking in making decisions for our children. Obviously, (and we all agreed that this was obvious) whatever your perception of success in life is will guide the decisions you make for your children.
I am who I am today mostly because of the decisions my parents made for me when I was a minor. If they chose not to send me to school and instead marry me off to a 47 year old man when I was 8 years old (like I read recently had happened to a girl in Saudi Arabia), it would be hard to imagine that my life would have taken the same direction as it has now.
The answer my husband gave to the question confused our friend who repeated the answer and said thoughtfully as if he had been pleasantly surprised by the definition: “Well……, that’s a very good definition.”
My husband’s answer was that success in life is finding happiness. How true huh?! From there, everyone became thoughtful wondering what exactly a parent is supposed to do for his/her child to help them find happiness when most, no actually all, of us seated at that house did not know how to find happiness for ourselves, let alone teach our children how to find it!
Mind Boggling
The Sequel
By Njeri Mucheru-Oyatta
Chapter 44
I have noticed that recently, I have discovered that some people who I have been taking care of and going out of my way to help are hypocrites. It came as a surprise but also a relief and they are now no longer in my life directly. They are out there somewhere. The changes I have been able to make in their absence have made my life a little less burdensome.
It was what can be said to have been good riddance of bad rubbish. However, I believe (and am yet to understand this as the truth) that my keeping them in my life by taking care of them and helping them was blocking them from a better life for themselves. I believe that it was in their interests that I put myself first and let them go, instead of putting them first and trying to reconcile with them. .
I have also noticed that an opportunity has presented itself for me to confront other people in my life who shamelessly refuse to take responsibility and pretend to be incapable. The interesting thing about this challenge is that I don’t have to deal with it. I could just let those people continue the way they are and there is a possibility that even if the confrontation occurs, they will not change because they know that if they neglect their duties, others will feel obliged to do what needs to be done. But I have this compelling feeling that the confrontation must be allowed to happen so that the unspoken truth is brought out into the open.
Basically what I have noticed is that the truth about the people in my life is beginning to establish itself. I wonder what else is in store for me. Scary thought that!
But I have no fear because I have faith that the end result of this process, will be the experience of unconditional love that I am yearning for. Everything else, is an illusion.
Mind Boggling
The Sequel
By Njeri Mucheru-Oyatta
Chapter 43
What’s wrong with me? Everyone around me is quite content to get on with life without questioning it’s purpose. Why can’t I be like them? Why can’t I just get on with my life as it is? Why do I feel the need to save the world? Why can’t I realize that the world cannot be saved or if it can, it surely won’t be me saving it?
I asked myself these questions the other day and decided to try to get on with life as usual and not try to change anything. The hectic schedule of the last few days helped keep me on track and away from my quest although I did find myself frequently trying to analyze situations in a spiritual way. I also found myself waking up early to meditate even though nothing much seems to happen during the sessions.
Somehow, after each meditation session, I have been feeling that the nothing that is happening during meditation is actually something. I just sit there by myself, not sure if I am alone, trying to convince my mind to stop thinking and focus on my breath and when that fails I ask for help and when that fails I try to sense my heart beat and when that fails I try something else until I decide it’s no use and it’s about time I started getting ready for the day.
Mind Boggling
The Sequel
By Njeri Mucheru-Oyatta
Chapter 42
What I learned today is that in order to experience my self as unconditional love, I need to find a way to merge my breath with my heart beat; to merge the consciousness of my mind with the consciousness of my body.
I hardly ever notice my heart beat or my breath. These are spontaneous actions in my body. The two are what sustain me. Without either of them, I am dead. They are equal in different ways. Just like Adam and Eve. The connection between them is the unconditional love I am looking to experience.
I am always aware of my mind but I hardly ever notice my body unless a part of me is ailing, hurting or itching. Even then, it is my mind that decides what my body needs. I need to find the missing link between my mind and my body so that I can connect the two into one consciousness.
Both these processes have to happen simultaneously. The connection of my breath and heart beat is the same as the connection of my mind and my body.
After I have learned how to make this connection, I must learn how to sustain it at all times.
God help me.
Mind Boggling
The Sequel
By Njeri Mucheru-Oyatta
Chapter 41
Today is
During my meditation this morning, I had a break-through. Hooray!! At last, something noticeable happened.
I sat alone in a quiet room early in the morning. As usual, the session involved a lot of fidgeting and feeling lost and like what a waste of time this is.
I watched a video on meditation last night and the video instructed that the key to reaching your self is through your breath. So you are supposed to focus on your breath as you meditate. I decided to do this but was not getting anywhere for a while. My mind was all over the place. Today is a Monday and my mind was busy planning the events of the day.
At some point I asked my self to please just show me where I am inside this body and just move to the left or right so I can feel my self (as in the element of unconditional love). Then I went back to closing my eyes and focusing on my breath. Siddha Yoga teaches that the heart is a sacred place and in meditation, you should go to your heart (whatever that means!). So I started focusing on my breath while listening for my heartbeat to see if I could actually feel or hear or sense my heart beating at all. I was doing all this while fighting with my mind and telling it to stop thinking.
Then, I just decided to focus on my mind as if it is my mind that I was looking for. The minute I did that, all thoughts disappeared and I felt a sensation of being rocked from left to right like my head was sitting on a pendulum and a sensation of joy flowed from my head into my body making me want to smile. I held on to that sensation for a while trying hard not to let go but it eventually faded.
I tried it again this evening but could not replicate the same thing. I couldn’t help thinking that meditation is an orgasm of the mind and finding it’s G-spot requires extra hard work.
Mind Boggling
The Sequel
By Njeri Mucheru-Oyatta
Chapter 40
I believe that the world is a reflection of who I am and if I change, the world will change with me. I also believe that the power of love is a power of attraction powerful enough to change the world by attracting others into it. So unless I put myself first, the experience of unconditional love will not happen!
In theta healing, the theta healer can enter into the energy space around you and change the beliefs that are blocking you from experiencing your true self. I didn’t feel anything when this was done for me. I was told that the change in beliefs will take effect after I sleep (like restarting a computer after installing some new software!).
Theta healing also involves something quite interesting. Most of us live in our heads and control everything in our bodies from our heads. This includes me. Well apparently, we don’t have to work only from our heads. We can move around our bodies from head to toe! A theta healer can teach you how to do this.
I was intrigued when I discovered that the process of learning theta healing takes a period of………..guess? THREE DAYS!! Is this crucifixion or what?? I intend to take the next scheduled course.
The change in my belief of putting others first and disregarding myself came immediately after the session when I was advised of the cost and thought, goodness, who can afford this? By going for the consultation, I had put myself first in the interests of the others who I believe will change with me for free!
In the meantime, I have resumed meditation hoping that I can feel myself inside my head and then move to other parts of my body.
I am also keenly observing my life to see if my belief in putting others first and disregarding myself has been permanently removed and also to find what other blocks need to be removed. Clearly, the blocks are not obvious!
Mind Boggling
The Sequel
By Njeri Mucheru-Oyatta
Chapter 39
My appointment with the theta healing was great. It came at exactly the right time for me.
Theta healing helps you clear up the vices which you have created to prevent you from experiencing unconditional love. Am I ready for that or what?
My consultation involved a frank discussion about what I believe in and reaching an agreement on whether those beliefs are what I want to live by or not. I discovered that I believe that I do not deserve to experience unconditional love unless everyone else can experience it too. This belief prevents me from experiencing unconditional love.
Putting others first is a vice, believe it or not. Putting yourself first is perceived as selfishness. But selfishness is not just about putting yourself first. It’s about putting yourself first and disregarding the interests of others. It is possible to put yourself first in the interests of others. On every airline, we are asked to put on the oxygen masks for ourselves first before trying to help others in case of emergency.
Jesus said: Love your neighbour as yourself. So who should you love first?
Mind Boggling
The Sequel
By Njeri Mucheru-Oyatta
Chapter 38
Am not giving up.
Far from it.
The need to find the truth in me is too great.
In any case, as long as am alive, what better way to spend my time than searching for the truth? The search for the truth is the only thing that keeps me sane. Believe it or not!
If I thought that there was nothing more to life than these temporary highs and lows I keep getting, I would be in an asylum. The thought of this life being it and nothing else would kill me if I believed that. I admire those who believe that and are leading normal lives. I cannot understand what keeps them sane.
So this is what I’ve decided. I have decided to consult a spiritual healer. I have booked an appointment to see a spiritual healer who practices Theta Healing.
Mind Boggling
The Sequel
By Njeri Mucheru-Oyatta
Chapter 37
Today is not the tomorrow I was referring to. In fact, it’s many tomorrows away and easter is long forgotten.
I was mad to imagine that I could achieve my goal so quickly without knowing what I needed to do. You know the crazy thing is that most people in the world are just like me. Dreaming about becoming something and not knowing how to become it!! Then wandering around questioning why this, why that, why, why why??!! Very few of us know how to get what we want in life. When we do, we become heroes.
The truth is that people like Barack bama are not the exception. They are the rule. Barack Obama, like Jesus, is an example of the power of attraction that a human being can generate when he is true to himself. Love after all is a force of attraction. When you are true to yourself, you attract everything to become like you. People love you. People cry when they hear you speak. You have people eating from the palm of your hand!
We all have this power and it should be normal for all of us to achieve greatness. Sadly, it’s not. And this is because, we doubt ourselves. Never doubt yourself. Do not settle for faith. Go for the truth.
But the question still remains: How do you find the truth? How do you awaken the real you from this dream world? Where in my mind is this tree of life?
Honestly, I have not the faintest idea.
Mind Boggling
The Sequel
By Njeri Mucheru-Oyatta
Chapter 36
I think I have now reached the apex of my madness.
Here I am. I don’t know how to experience unconditional love, I have no idea how telepathy works AND I am imagining that I can change myself and the world into unconditional love overnight.
Tomorrow is Easter Monday!
What the hell, it’s worth a try. See you tomorrow.
Mind Boggling
The Sequel
By Njeri Mucheru-Oyatta
Chapter 35
I am an element of unconditional love. I have the power to change the world. The world is a reflection of who I am. If I change, so will the world. As I change, so will the world.
I can be a person so powerful and so awesome that I attract the whole world into experiencing unconditional love.
The power I will use is love. I will make myself a channel of love. All my vices must go. Selfishness is the mother of all vices so I better focus on him.
I don’t need any public forum in which to carry out my conversion of the world. I will do it surreptitiously. The same way that the voice/light which appeared to me did it to me.
I will learn how to communicate by telepathy and plant a seed of realization in all the people of the world. Ridiculous, you say. Well, watch this space!
Mind Boggling
The Sequel
By Njeri Mucheru-Oyatta
Chapter 34
Am I going to let something as tincy wincy as irritability stop me from experiencing unconditional love?
I get irritated when my computer doesn’t do what I want it to, when there’s a power blackout, when anyone says something I think is hypocritical, rude or condescending, when someone talks to me on the phone for too long, when I get interrupted while doing something am very interested in (like writing my blog), by small talk, by my children’s childish behaviour, when I don’t want to be at a place where I can’t leave, when someone keeps me waiting, by so many things, you’d think my life is a permanent experience of irritability. It’s not really, but now that irritability is about to be kicked out of my life for good, I seem to remember so many things that irritate me and cannot imagine how I can survive without it especially since am not alone in this world!
I don’t know how to deal with the rest of the world. Can you see the magnitude of this problem? How can I stay focused in the face of all these people around me who don’t know what I know and who am sure will scoff at me if I so much as try to convert them? I don’t want to be a pariah.
Is this what Jesus felt like when he was crucified? Surrounded by buffoons and unable to show them the truth? Gosh, crucifixion sure isn’t an easy thing guys! Am back to being Robinson Crusoe! But actually, I don’t even have a Man Friday this time. It’s me against the world!
Mind Boggling
The Sequel
By Njeri Mucheru-Oyatta
Chapter 33
If life is an illusion, am I, and everyone else in my life also illusions then?
The bodies that we see ourselves and others in are illusions. We are elements of unconditional love. These bodies are magnificent tools with which we can experience ourselves and God. They are built to last for eternity if correctly used. Deny it if you must, but it’s true.
The reason for us to create life is self-improvement.
The experience of unconditional love is a process of separation followed by unity to achieve completeness. The energy force that is exerted by this process is incredible and worth all the pain and hurt we have to go through.
If you’ve ever fallen in love, you have a vague idea of what I mean. Falling in love is as though you had been separated from your loved one and now you have been united and completed. The energy the experience of falling in love gives you cannot be exaggerated. It is more than awesome.
The truth is that when you fall in love, you are experiencing something of yourself. The person you fall in love with reveals something about yourself to you and it just blows your mind to experience what that person brings out of you. It is about you connecting with yourself. When you fall in love, something within you that was longing to be awakened, is jolted up.
Whereas falling in love is a temporary experience, unconditional love is permanent. The experience of unconditional love is when you fully discover who you are.
If you haven’t fallen in love, listen to any love song and it will give you an idea of the power I’m talking about. But love songs cannot even begin to describe what unconditional love is. And that’s what we are.
That power of love is you. Imagine that! The real you is lying dormant inside you waiting to be awakened. Only the truth can set you free. And am not talking about not telling lies. I am talking about being true to yourself; living the life that you were born to live.
Wouldn’t you like to experience the real you? Today is easter Sunday. Guess when tomorrow is?! Come on then.
Mind Boggling
The Sequel
By Njeri Mucheru-Oyatta
Chapter 32
I mean that I have to start living my life in the abstract.
I have to abandon the idea that this is real life and start observing things around me as if they are not for real. I have to start living the experience not the thoughts, words and actions.
Like watching a movie, my attention should be sharply focused on the experience knowing that it’s just a movie! That should be exciting but it’s not. Being deluded by life is sooooooo comforting. The idea that I could be responsible for everything that happens to me and I can control everything in my life is daunting to say the least.
That notwithstanding, I decided that I’d rather accept that am mad than pretend not to be. So the first thing I did to get me well on the road to madness is look at the people around me and ask myself: Who the hell are these people? Where did they come from? What are they doing here with me? The people I was referring to are my children, my husband, my mother-in-law (at whose house we are spending the easter break) and everyone else around me.
Who the hell are these people? Are they for real or are they in my mind?
Mind Boggling
The Sequel
By Njeri Mucheru-Oyatta
Chapter 31
Today is Good Friday! What a coincidence. I decided to start the process of my crucifixion at a time when the crucifixion of Jesus is being celebrated world wide. This must be good.
But I wonder whether my crucifixion will take the same time as that of Jesus. Is it possible that I could have found the Ocean by Easter Monday? Wow! How exciting.
Well, let me tell you, last night, I was actually considering whether it would be easier to get myself whipped and abused and nailed to a cross with a crown of thorns on my head as opposed to letting go of my vices. I can’t imagine living without my irritability. How can there not be anything at all in life to irritate me? I am so used to being irritated.
The truth as I now know it is that there never has been anything in life to irritate me. It is me who has allowed myself to be irritated by certain things.
After pondering this point, I came to the realization that being crucified means allowing yourself to go mad (as if am not already mad, you ask!).
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